Slowly Letting Go

We have been taking advantage of the beautiful weather we have been having and enjoyed a wonderful picnic lunch at the park yesterday after preschool. Several of us do this, so there are always friends for the kids to play with. It was hard for me yesterday, though. While keeping a more careful watch on Jenna, I always check on Alex from time to time. At one point I overheard the game he and his friends were playing - 'can you do this'. I then kept a better watch on them, wanting to know what it was they could do. It was a simple game of follow the leader, basically, can you climb this, can you jump like this. Innocent enough. But it wasn't for me, because I know that Alex is not as dare-devilish as he once was. He has grown more cautious and is hesitant to try things he doesn't think he can do. But he was in front of his friends, so he was following along. My heart said go to him and tell him to play something else, it's too dangerous and he will hurt himself. But my head said, no - this is what parenting is about - knowing when to let go, allowing him to make his own decisions and learn from his own mistakes. Plus, I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his friends, yes, at four years old, this is what I thought!! I let it go, watched, stomach lurching at every climb and jump, making a mental note of the quickest way to the hospital. I was doing fine, until they approached what I call the 'rainbow'. It is a rainbow shaped piece of equipment that the kids can climb over or swing under. I have bad memories of such equipment, as I broke my arm at the age of five playing on something similar. I started for Alex to stop him but as I got closer I heard him say, "no, how about we play something else now." It was a small victory for me, reassuring me that I am preparing him well, that he can make good decisions on his own without my help. That, and he constantly is hearing me tell him the story of how I broke my arm when I was about his age!

Alex is almost five. In the blink of an eye he has grown up on me. He probably weighs about 45 lbs and I wonder how much longer will I be able to pick him up? How much longer can I cradle him in my arms? How much longer can I carry him when his feet tire out? At least I know that, although my arms won't always be strong enough to carry him, they will always be able to comfort him. And how can I not want to hug him and love him when he tells me that I'm the prettiest girl he has ever seen (because I wear earrings - I'll lover look his reasoning and just enjoy the compliment)!!