Three Things

1 - Update on Lucky: OK, so I said that I wanted it to be an infection so that I didn't feel like all that money was wasted if we had to put him down. Well, it turns out that Lucky does just have some sort of infection. Now I feel like we spent $245 just to find out he is sick! All of my prenatal care, nine months worth, which includes doctor visits, sonograms, blood work, costs us only $50!! Crazy! Anyway, we did find out that Lucky is boarder line diabetic. When we took him to the vet the first time (which cost $123) we knew he had a weight issue. Lucky's weight issue turns out to be an obese issue. He was put on a special diet food and lost 1/2 lbs in two weeks. He has 4 1/2 lbs to go. He is currently on an antibiotic, which I have to go and pick up another bottle because he needs a double dose due to his weight. Isn't it sad that I have not yet missed one of Lucky's doses of medicine but can't even count how many of Alex's doses I missed? 2 - Poop Wars: Jenna has been peeing on the potty since she turned three. She has not worn pull-ups at nap time for months. Now, she is pull-up free at night, too, and has been for about a month. All great, right? Wrong. Jenna still refuses to poop in the potty. We are now at the point where she will sit on the potty to go, but still must have a pull-up on in order to actually poop. Last week, we were on a count down. When the pull-ups were gone, she would start pooping in the potty. The day came when the pull-ups were all gone and she had a hysterical melt-down. I had kept one hidden just in case this would happen. She won and pooped in the pull-up. We then had to make a trip to the store to buy more. I went to the largest boxes, the ones with 50+ pull-ups and asked Jenna if I should just buy the biggest size they had since she would still be pooping in a pull-up when she was 18. Yes, a mom-of-the-year moment, especially in a store where I was probably overheard. But, really, can any mom out there blame me? I have tried positive reinforcement - a treat out of the treat box every time she poops in the potty. I have tried punishment - 10 cars taken away every time she uses a pull-up. Now, I am just going to play up the case that when she is four, there are no more pull-ups. Four year olds do NOT wear pull-ups. I'm hoping four months of hearing this will sink in and work. It did for peeing in the potty. Stay tuned as the Poop Wars rage on. 3 - A mother's dedication. Alex has been wanting his army sheets back on his bed. Now, last time I made his bed (he has the top bunk)I told Joe that I couldn't do it again. But feeling guilty over my lack of maintaining my household, I thought I would get up and do something while Joe was giving the kids a bath. The sheets, I thought. So, I lugged my huge seven-months pregnant belly (and it is huge, by the way) up the ladder, stripped his old bedding and began the task of putting on new sheets. This involves several steps of standing on the ladder and lifting the mattress. Then crawling on the bed and lifting the other half of the mattress, while still on the bed. Another trip back down the ladder to get the flat sheet, more maneuvering to get it spread out. More standing on the ladder to tuck in. More laying on the bed while trying to lift the mattress to tuck in the back side. By the time I was done, I was sweating and completely exhausted. Joe came in to find me sprawled on Alex's bed, not able to move. I told him I was just relaxing for a moment. He came back five minutes later, only to find me in the same spot. The thought of moving my legs over the bed to get on the ladder was just too much for me. And I still had to put on the blanket and replace all 100 stuffed animals (maybe not that many but enough to form a two-layer perimeter around his bed). I managed somehow to get back down the ladder. Told the kids to get up on the bed and just threw all the animals up to them. Then, I looked at Joe and said, really this is the LAST time I am doing this! Will I try it again, probably. I just hope Joe can rig up some type of crane to get me back down off the bed again!!

Mom-of-the-Year

So when I really botch up parenting I tell Joe that I am going to get Mom-of-the-Year award. It's just my way of acknowledging that I have messed up. So, my latest is awarded to me for failure to remember that Alex is on an antibiotic and it must be taken three times a day!! It was easy to remember when he was really sick, just laying on the couch, not eating, burning up and just plain miserable. Well, now that he is better, it is so easy to forget!!! I'm pretty good with the morning dose, horrible with the afternoon dose and hit or miss on the evening dose. I wonder what long-term damage I may be doing? If nothing else, I guess he will get sick again real soon since I can't seem to keep him on a steady dose!! In other news, sickness abounds me!! Although Alex is much better, Jenna and Joe both have bad colds. I swear, pregnancy is the best immunity! And our latest possible illness is our cat Lucky. I had to take him in this morning because he has been lethargic, not eating, not going to the bathroom, drooling, and just not himself. Turns out he has a very high temperature and may have some type of infection. Or he may have organ failure. Only the blood tests will tell. If he is in some type of organ failure, then we will put him down. But before we can find out all this, I had to spend $245 on him today!! The price of pets!!! At this point, I'm hoping for an infection so I don't feel like I just wasted all that money - sounds ungrateful I know but hey, I'm not made of money!! Let's hope that I can remember Lucky's medicine, which is in the fridge, next to Alex's medicine. Hmm, maybe I should separate them!

Easter

We had a nice quiet Easter here at home. The kids woke up at 6:30am, as usual, and yelled with delight when they found their baskets brimming with goodies. It took me awhile to actually get out of bed, so I missed the dissection of their baskets, but Jenna kept running back to my bedroom informing me of what she got. Her highlight was the big blue duck that she has wanted for weeks. She was saving up her money to buy it herself, but the Easter Bunny beat her to it. Alex was excited about his Leapster game that he really wanted. After a quick egg hunt, in which Alex found all 29 of his eggs in less than five minutes, he settled on the couch and played his Leapster most of the day. We let him as he was not feeling well. He had had a fever for the previous 3 days and was diagnosed with strep, but it turns out it wasn't. Regardless, Alex was weak and tired and not quite himself. In fact, he didn't even ask for a piece of his Easter candy until after lunch and at that, picked one small piece and that was it. Jenna, however, would have eaten nothing but candy all day if we let her. We stayed in our pjs all day and laughed at the crazy weather outside - sometimes raining, sometimes sleeting, sometimes big huge snowflakes, one small period of bright sunshine, followed by more rain/snow mix. Only in the Midwest I guess!! Overall, a good family day that we all enjoyed.

It Happened!

I have been trying for the last two weeks to get Alex and Jenna to feel the baby move. But it is easier said than done. The baby seems to know when anyone else's hand is on my belly. The baby can be doing an Irish jig and the minute I grab Joe, Alex, or Jenna's hand and place it on my stomach all movement comes to a stop. Now, if I were to lay my own hand on my stomach the baby would continue to jump and jive. So, I tried having the kids just keep their hands on my stomach, but they have no patience and give up easily. But today that changed for Alex. We were just finishing up reading our books before quiet time when the baby sprang into action. I grabbed Alex's hand and quickly put it on my stomach right before the baby gave a good, hard kick. Alex's mouth dropped open. His eyes widened and he shouted "I felt it! I felt the baby! He's really in there!" Priceless. So, Jenna came over and said she wanted to feel, too. But, of course, all movement ceased. The baby made some little squirms and Jenna said she felt them, but I really don't think she did. I think she just wanted to be like Alex. Poor girly. Her day will come and I look forward to seeing her face light up and say "I felt her!" Yes, we are back to Jenna wanting a little sister. Alex has said only a baby boy will be allowed in the house. Three more months until we find out!

Preschool

Yay!! Jenna got into Washington Park preschool! She is enrolled in the morning 3-year old class. We are putting her into the 3-year old class because she will also be held back from entering kindergarten until she is 6-years old. She will be going to school Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Jenna is very excited and cannot wait to start!!

Retiring Ballerina

I'm glad I took these pictures back in February (right before Valentine's Day, which explains the heart on Jenna's check) because my little ballerina has called it quits. I have been struggling with Jenna about going to ballet class for a few weeks now and this morning she decided she has had enough. Could it be because it is the only girly activity she is in? Who knows. Jenna told me this morning "I love Mrs. Grace. I just don't want to go to ballet class anymore." So for now, our dancing days are over. Maybe one day we will head back.

Not an Ordinary Day

When I woke up this morning, I didn't want to open my eyes. I have known this day would come. I have not looked forward to this day. I have known that I would have to go through the motions of an ordinary day. Six months ago, I made dentist appointments for today, knowing that while I should be busy I would not be. So, after opening my eyes, I began my not so ordinary day in an ordinary way. I fixed breakfast for the kids and myself, watched some morning news, got all of us ready, and left for our dentist appointments. Filling out the paper work, I had to write this date down over and over, each time acting as a reminder of what today should have been. Today should have been the day I had my third baby. Or maybe I would have already had my baby and today I would be holding that precious bundle in my arms. Today, my arms ache for that baby. You see, this baby that is now growing so wonderfully inside of me is not our first attempt at having a third child. We were pregnant once before. And I have kept silent about that baby, only telling the closest of family members and friends. I suffered through morning sickness and fatigue once before, back in the summer. I had made it through Alex and Jenna's birthday without letting on. Joe and I have always waited until after our first doctor's appointment before sharing the news. But this time, I wouldn't make it to that first doctor's appointment. At almost eight weeks, I started to bleed. Days later we would learn that our baby, a baby that Joe had wanted so badly and took over a year to convince me to try for, had no heartbeat. We had lost our little one far, far too early and on July 26, 2007 the pregnancy was over. It was an extremely difficult time for me. I went through so many emotions and at times couldn't understand why I felt such grief for someone I never knew. I will never know if that baby was a boy or girl. I will never know if that baby looked like Alex or like Jenna. I will never hear that baby's laugh or gaze into that baby's eyes. But in every sense I had lost a baby, a child of mine. As a mother, it has been the hardest emotion to deal with. I grieved. I mourned. I wanted to let everyone know that, for me, that child existed. I wanted to acknowledge that that baby was a part of me, and always will be. But it is a difficult topic to talk about. And only those who have gone through such a loss can understand. I am talking about it now because there is no reason to keep it hidden. And because I will never get through another March 4th without thinking about that baby, just like I will never get through another July 26th without feeling sadness for our loss. But what is helping, what is getting me through this day, is the movement - the LIFE - that is inside of me now. This current pregnancy has been different for me. I was filled with fear for the first eight weeks. At my first appointment, while answering tons of questions all I wanted to do was scream at them to let me see my baby's heartbeat. And when the time came, and I did see that tiny heart, I broke down crying - huge sobs of relief. But I have still been filled with anxiety. I know women who have lost their babies in their 5th month. I know women who have lost their babies as late as their 38th and 39th weeks of pregnancy. I know, now, that there are no guarantees. I take nothing for granted. I know that bad things can happen to me. I hope that they will not. I hope that at the end of June my arms will be filled with a beautiful, healthy baby. In the meantime, I will take whatever sickness, ache and/or pain comes my way. And I will know that the baby I lost, the one that made me realize how much I really did want another baby, the one that gave it's life for the life of the baby that grows inside me today, will always live in my heart and will never be forgotten.