What I Learned this Halloween...

This past Halloween has taught me so much. I normally try to make my kids Halloween costumes. Why? Well, prior to this past weekend, because in all honesty, I thought it made me a better mom. How ignorant my thinking has been. Owen was easy. He wanted to be Buzz Lightyear. I knew I wasn't going to make that costume. He's two, he won't mind a store bought one. Done. Easy. Jenna wanted to be a cat. Another no brainer. Half store bought, half home embellished. Done. She loved it. I am Mom, hear me roar. Alex, well, here is the back story on Alex. Alex loves Halloween for the load of candy it brings. But Alex has never been one to dress up. He never played dress when he was younger. He doesn't like things to be "different" - silly sock days, he feels embarrassed to wear two different socks; mixed up day - you would think we asked him to chop off an arm by asking him to wear his clothes inside out; you get the point? He doesn't like masks or things about his head. So, he took his time thinking about what he wanted to be. It's as if dressing up at Halloween causes him physical pain. But Alex finally decided on a mummy. Great! Easy!! No problem. I gathered my supplies. I spent a morning cutting strips from a white bed sheet and coffee staining them to get that great dirty mummy color. All I had to do was wrap him. I even had the forethought to get some double-sided fabric tape to help the strips stick. Saturday Oct 30th comes. We have a Halloween costume party at Alex's friend's house. We begin to wrap and realize that as he moves, the wrap falls apart. We try again and again. We get safety pins. No luck. What are we doing wrong? It is one hour later and we are now late for the party. We decide to go with what we have and we will change him shortly after we get to the party. But no, Alex can't even make it out the door without the costume falling apart. Remember, Alex doesn't like to dress up so we have no alternative costumes on hand. Realizing he has no costume for a costume party, Alex breaks down. I normally try to hold back my tears when my kids are hurting. I want to show them a strong face. But this time, as I held him, I let the tears flow. I had let him down. I felt like a huge failure. We dried our tears and went to the party. Luckily, some of the other kids didn't dress up either. Alex had a blast and I was happy for him. But after getting them to bed that night, I was still thinking about how I could make this mummy costume work. I stayed up until 2am putting it together and it looked great! Despite being exhausted, and now sick with a terrible cold, I was happy to have gotten it done and couldn't wait for Alex to wake up in the morning. Well, despite the fact that I allowed for room in the wraps for Alex's body, the awesome looking costume did not fit him. I busted seams trying to make it work, but to no end was his body fitting in the costume. Another huge failure! The only thing we could do was to run out and buy him a costume for trick or treating. Let me tell you, with a picky child, there is little to choose from on Halloween morning. Alex didn't want the ninja, ghostbuster, cowboy, army solider, or mario costumes. Forget anything remotely ghostly or scary - so not Alex. But after 3 stores he finally found something he wanted; a blue penguin. Now, we hesitated with this. We tried to talk him out of it. Joe said that if Alex were going out with his friends he would be laughed at (said to me, not to Alex). But Alex insisted. When we put it on Alex, his face kind of fell. He looked uncomfortable to me and, again, my heart broke because I felt like all of this was my fault. I quickly thought up 2 other costumes he could wear. But Alex said he was going to be the penguin. So, we all got ready, we snapped our pictures, and off we went to take the kids trick or treating. By the 3rd house, Joe and I looked at how happy our kids were, how much fun they were having, and we knew that the penguin costume was perfect for Alex. I wish I could have enjoyed that night more. But I was tired, I was sick, I was emotionally spent. And it was while I watched my kids running from house to house that I realized that it is OK to just go to the store and buy a Halloween costume. What matters most, is that my kids get to be what they want to be, that they have fun, and that I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders trying to be the "perfect" mom. Because being the "perfect" mom results in me being stressed, grumpy, mean, and totally missing the fun of the moment. I learned that I am not Martha Stewart. I am not a woman who can do everything...cook, sew, craft, organize. After 8 years of being a mom, I have finally learned that I cannot do everything and do it well. It was a lesson I learned through tears on my part and on the part of my oldest son. It was a lesson I learned with a broken heart. But finally the lesson has been learned and I will embrace not being perfect.